We will never mention this again
by Quasi.a.la.Modo
Summary: Squidward is very torn about almost murdering his best friend. He wants to make it up to Spongebob, but is this feeling guilt? Or is it lust?


**AUTHORS NOTE: This was a challenge I wanted to try. You're only allowed to use dialogue from a show to create a story or expand on an idea.**

* * *

He swallowed, trying to ease the lump that had been in his throat for hours now. Thoughts echoed through his mind, and yet nothing he did could quell the pit that had formed in his stomach.

 _Once it hits his lower intestine… The lad deserves to enjoy his final hours… he's only got till sunset._

Squidward shook his head, trying desperately to clear his thoughts— his eyes were locked onto the half eaten pie sitting on the table in front of him, the fork still upright in the remains. He reached forward slowly, plucking it out of the crust. It was still warm. That meant it wasn't too late!

Rushing out of the underwater abode, Squidward sprinted as fast as his tentacles could carry him. Just over the crest of the hill, he could see it, the familiar clam-shaped sign of the Krusty Krab. Bursting inside, he spotted the little yellow devil just as the door to the kitchen swung shut.

 _Just one shot at this._

Slowly, he eased himself through the door and into the grease pit.

"Uh, SpongeBob?" he asked, sweat starting to form along his mantle. _Why was this so hard? I talk to him every day._

Spongebob turned, his bright blue eyes so full of life and excitement. "Yes?" he said in his sing-songy voice. Squidward felt his heart flutter in his chest, and yet eyes stung slightly as tears began to brim. He turned away towards the floor. He couldn't look him in the eyes. "I forgot to tell you… There's a part two to your gift."

Spongebob gasped, his smile nearly bisecting his face. "Part two!? Part two! Part two!" He began to hop up and down, elated. Squidward paled, thinking of the literal timebomb in his...friends stomach. He looked at him, gently putting a hand on his cubic head.

"Please, don't do that."

Spongebob smiled, reaching up and grabbing Squidward's tentacle. _Was he blushing? No… he just always had those rosy dimples. I must be imagining it._

"So," Spongebob gently gave the tentacle a playful squeeze. "What's the part two?"

"Well, what's the most fun thing you can think of?" Squidward searched Spongebob's face. He didn't know that he was mortal danger. Squidward wouldn't take away that happiness from him. He couldn't do that to the only person he had been this close with. Sure, they had been on each other's nerves now and again, but Squidward couldn't deny that he felt...something for the little guy.

Spongebob smiled and wandered over to a cabinet in the corner, pulling out a drawer, and removing what looked like a roll of tissue paper. "Actually, I keep a list of the fun things I like to do. I call it my friendship list."

Squidward felt his heart jump to his throat again. He coughed once, twice, trying to collect his thoughts. "Great. Uh, let me see it." Taking the list from him, he browsed its contents. Immediately, he felt his face turn bright red in embarrassment, his eyebrows knitting together, and sweat beginning to bead across his forehead.

"The things that are extra fun, I've written in red." Spongebob smirked, looking up at Squidward, giving him a not so subtle blushed a darker shade of crimson, he felt his knees start to shake, or whatever the equivalent was for squids.

"E-everything's in red," he stuttered. _Don't make a fool of yourself._

Spongebob leaned in closely, his lips right next to Squidward's ear. "I know," he whispered, sending shivers through Squidwards body. The list made a small *plop* as it hit the floor. Squidward turned to look at Spongebob, his face mere millimeters from his soft, yellow, spongy flesh...

Squidward pulled back, putting as much distance as he could between he and the little yellow devil as possible. _Come on, pull yourself together! This is his last day. I can't let it be as horrible as the others._ Squidward picked up the list, frantically searching over it. "Uh, yeah. Let's take a look at that list."

—-

Squidward was exhausted, sore, and was beginning to get annoyed. Between the 3rd time of introducing Squidward to everyone in town, the knock-knock jokes, and open heart surgery, he had clearly mistaken Spongebob's intentions with that list, and the not so subtle hints he had placed along the way. _It's my fault though. I should have told him. I should have let him know how I feel..._

They had ended up in the middle of a field outside of town, resting on the hillside. Squidward rested his head on the soft kelp, looking up at the bright flowers in the sky. Spongebob sat next to him, busily going over the list, marking line after line of things they had done that day.

"The last thing on the list is…" Spongebob started.

"Does it involve more dismemberment?" Squidward turned onto his side, looking at Spongebob for a moment before snatching the list out of his hands.

"...watch the sunset with Squidward."

Squidward felt his stomach drop out, a cold sweat breaking out over his brow. He shot up, looking at the sun. Indeed, that time had come. His friend...no. Spongebob was more than that now. Spongebob was...everything. What he wouldn't give to just pull those pieces of pie out of his intestine, to spend the rest of his life with this adorable yellow sponge.

 _The way I see it, the lad's got until sunset before that bomb hits his lower intestine._

Squidward said nothing. Slowly, gently, he reached over, and pulled Spongebob into a hug. His eyes grew blurry with tears as he gently held on for the last few moments. _If I lose him now, I might as well go with him. There's nothing left for me here._

 _Quietly, he whispered,"Five... four... three... two... o-o-o-one…"_

Silence. Nothing happened.

He could still feel Spongebob breathing against his chest.

Spongebob was still alive.

Squidward burst into joyous tears, hugging him closer to him— squeezing him tight, crushing him against his body.

"Why are you still here? You're supposed to explode into a million pieces!" Squidward sat back and held Spongebob's face in his hands, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Spongebob let out a laugh, looking at Squidward in disbelief. "Why would I do that?"

"Because the pie you ate was a bomb!"

"Oh, you mean _this_ pie!" Spongebob pulled out the intact pie. He hadn't eaten it! It must have been a different one!

Squidward took the pie out of Spongebob's hands, setting it far away from them both. Turning back, he took Spongebob's face in his hands and kissed him. _There would definitely be an explosion tonight._ Breaking off the kiss, he breath caught in his throat, Squidward laid back, pulling Spongebob with him. He looked into those bright blue eyes.

"I'm ready," Spongebob said, laying a hand on Squidward's chest.

 _So that's what he had meant when he said he could "reproduce by budding."_

* * *

 **Authors note: This all started with the phrase "reproduce by budding" and kinda took on a life of its own. I am not sorry you chose to read this, but as the title says, "We will never mention this again."**


End file.
